I’ve put off writing this blog because I really don’t want it to feel like I’m bragging. I even had a meltdown about the title not making me sound like a total dick, so had to text my friend Susi for sense check. So that title is from her (cheers Susi!). I don’t even know if the title makes sense, but that’s what it is. I am extremely uneasy about writing a blog about how far I have run or what I have achieved. Usually my blogs are about something else - a story or a journey or a battle. I write stuff all the time on my instagram, but that’s like a diary of what I am doing day to day - half to help people realise they can do stuff too, half to remember what the fuck I have done and monitor my highs and lows.
Even writing the paragraph above makes me feel like I’m humble bragging. FFS. It’s really hard for me to get this right and be comfortable with it. Probably why I haven’t written the book yet. A lot of the time I feel like what I am doing is very normal and that ‘everyone does it’. They don’t.
Maybe see this blog as a record of how I went about doing something I honestly thought was impossible to do. I’m as surprised as anyone that I managed to run 575 miles in a month. Maybe I am more capable than I thought, but remember I’m not a professional – nowhere near professional. I’m learning all the time, just like everyone else. And in May 2020 I learnt a fucking lot.
Picture this. Back in April I was aimlessly scrolling through facebook when this came up.
Mark Cockbain is known for his sufferfest type races. They do The Tunnel Ultra (200 miles up and down a one-mile tunnel in the dark– no headphones, no pacers and no poles) and The Dead Sheep Ultra which nobody knows anything about or has ever finished. They specialise in what they call “The Hard Stuff”. I was pretty surprised he’d gone in for the whole virtual thing, but this was free, I was bored and in mourning at the fact I had lost so many events and was in severe danger of losing all motivation, and it was something that I honestly couldn’t imagine actually being able to do. Fear is a great motivator.
The aim of the Accumulator is to run the mileage dictated by the date. So, on the 1st May I would run one mile, 2nd of May two miles etc. All runs have to be continuous – so you can’t do 11 miles in the morning and 11 in the afternoon on the 22nd. You have to do 22 all in one go. There are 31 days in May. That is 496 miles in a month. At least. I mean, who goes out and runs just one mile? OK loads of people do, but I can’t do that – it’s not worth the washing powder it takes to wash your kit. The challenge would be the last couple of weeks – the mileage was huge and back to back. I don’t really do run streaks. I like a rest day. It looked a bit like this:
At about the same time, the legends at Centurion Running posted that they too were going to do a virtual event to help keep people motivated and give the community something to do. There were various distances that you could cover from 5k to 100 miles in the last week of May. I love Centurion, and really wanted to support them so I signed up for the 100 miler. I would in theory be doing 196 miles in that week anyway so why not, right? I’d be doing it anyway. So there you go. Challenge set. Theres the handy graphicy thing above, but another way of looking at the mileage is like this….
Week 1 (including the previous 3 days so 1-10 may) – 55 miles
Week 2 – (10-17 May) 98 miles
Week 3 – (18 – 21 May) 147 miles
Week 4 – 1(22 – 31 May) 196 miles – including the Centurion One challenge
TOTAL: 496 miles
The most I had ever run in a month was just over 300 miles – and that was in April as a result of lockdown boredom. I’ve done a good few multi day ultras, but not run every day for a month, and never with accumulation like this. The mileage was honestly a terrifying thought. From the outset I decided to take one day at a time and not reflect on what I had done the previous day or what was to come the following day. Just to do that day. Excatly the same way I try and manage my mental health. I promised myself that I would eat properly, sleep properly and not beat myself up about being slow or feeling shit. I have a part time job and was working on the Indoor Relay as a team captain, and then had my freelance stuff to do so it wasn’t like I had loads of time off – I would need to fit it around my life. That being said, I booked the final week off work so I could 100% concentrate on what I was doing. One of the obstacles to completing this is time – if you don’t have the time to run, you are fucked from the outset. I needed to make the most of my time and be super organised.
WEEK ONE (Actually the first 10 days for arguments sake)
To be honest, this was basically a normal-ish weeks mileage – it was actually a bit less than I had been doing in April, and I found that idea a bit frustrating, so for the shorter days (1, 2, 3 miles) I did my ‘short loop’– seven to ten miles of Mendip hills. Because we were in proper lockdown, I had the company of my ex-boyfriend-now-housemate-running-buddy Julius for some of the runs which was ace, and they were short enough to take the dogs out on, so it wasn’t too bad. The only issue was that my period was due and that makes me slower, more tearful and prone to being a total arsehole to myself. On those days in real life I tend not to run. I’d also had something happen family wise that had really triggered me. Someone had said something to me that made my blood boil and made me feel like a piece of shit. It was a passing comment in a WhatsApp group but it was aimed directly at my worst fears about myself and it worked. I don’t know if it was hormones or actually depression creeping up but fuck me it was awful.
I didn’t have the option to fall into a hole this time round. I cried 3 times on one of those runs because of science and hormones and ego being an arsehole. But I got them done. And I tried not to think about the weeks ahead. Every time that thought came into my head, I thought of something else. That would be key to getting through the month, I knew it would. Every day was just a day. I got to the end of that week pretty easily. Fitting in those runs around work and Indoor Relay wasn’t a total nightmare at this point. I felt OK.
Miles run in first ten days: 74
WEEK TWO
This week, each run would be taking me at least 2 hours, 3 towards the end of the week. I made notes in my diary and was super strict on when I stopped work to go out. Routes were getting boring – I’ve done the routes round my house loads of times and adding on one mile meant lots of repetition. I used the time to catch up on podcasts, and I still had Julius coming out on a good few runs with me. Pace wise I was taking it well easy – I was sitting between 10.30 and 12 min miles and wouldn’t let myself go any faster. I was walking up all the hills, taking food in every five miles. As soon as I got home, I was drinking half a pint of milk and eating. Even I was impressed by my organisational skillzz. But in the back of my mind was the next week. As much as I tried not to obsess about it, it was there. I wasn’t worried about fitness – I honestly felt fine. Maybe a bit more tired than usual, and defo having the worlds worst period, but everything was working. I felt really strong and towards the end of this week actually started LOVING it. Like proper loving it.
I was more worried about time out of the house than physical failure. Indoor Relay was taking up 3-4 hours a day, and I did have a load of work to do. I didn’t want to admit it, but I needed a back-up plan. I asked around and managed to get hold of the World’s Smallest And Worst Treadmill aka The Fucking Treadmill™, delivered to my house by the epic Ben Pitfield. What a man! I hated it at first sight. BUT if I really needed to, I could use it while I was on Indoor Relay to get the Accumulator miles in. Mentally it was a great thing to have in the house. But fuck me, I didn’t want to have to use it. (Spoiler – I had to use it)
Slowly but surely, Accumulator runners began posting in the Cockbain facebook group, dropping out. It frustrated me that most of them banged on about how “great and strong” they felt but were dropping because of “work and family commitments”. I get that, but half the challenge is FINDING THE TIME. Some of the people in that group were getting up at 2am to run. Saying you feel “really strong and could have made it to the end” makes you look like a tit. You didn’t make it to the end, because you couldn’t find the time. And that is the challenge.
Running helps you stay in the moment, you can’t really worry too much about other stuff when you are running, which is the main reason I do it. While I was actually running, I didn’t think too much about the big girl week the following week, apart from to factor in time to run. And it was then, when looking at my diary, that it dawned on me. I was going to have to use The Fucking Treadmill ™ at least once. There was no getting around it.
Mile run week 2: 102.7
WEEK THREE
This was what I shall called Horror Limbo Week. I was over half-way date wise, nowhere near half way miles wise, and nowhere near the end of the month. That is a head fuck and I hate maths. I was feeling more tired generally, but physically I had no complaints. My body was holding up super well. It was conditioned, I’d been doing strength training in lockdown (THANKS JOE WICKS!) and I was running pretty slow and steady and also making sure I ate. I swear to God I got through about 700 mini Soreen bars in May. And 1800 Tunnocks Biscuits. And I really wanted to complete this. I really wanted to. Just for me, not for anyone else.
On Monday 18th I had work stuff in the morning and Indoor Relay in the afternoon, then work stuff after that. I could have gone out and done my miles at night, but then I had to run early on Tuesday because of work, and didn’t want to squash runs together too much – I was being super clever in how I was chopping and changing what time of day I ran to allow for the most recovery time possible throughout the week. Long story short - I was going to have to use The Fucking Treadmill ™.
It was sooooo small and it didn’t calibrate properly, measured stuff in kilometres and switched itself off every fucking hour. It was awful. It was also boiling in my house, despite the fans. I ran on it for just under 4 hours whilst presenting Indoor Relay. My watch told me I had run 18 miles but I knew, as a runner, it was closer to 20. Watches and shit treadmills don’t go together. It was something I won’t be repeating, but it was done and I felt oddly proud of myself. My legs hurt.
The rest of the week was a challenge in that the miles were mid-long and kept getting longer. I was now needing 5 hours dedicated to the run each day – an hour to sort my shit out, 4 hours to run. There were parts of this week that I loved, I really did. I thought I had it nailed. And then my shin started to hurt. Not a lot, just a bit, but it hurt. I was doing a lot of road routes because they were easy to map and not as tiring or long time wise as trails, so I blamed it on the roads. I didn’t panic. Well I did a bit, but then did the “just get through today” thing. I was kind to myself and it turned out to be a whingery rather than an injury. I was being so good with my nutrition – it was working so I was doing the same thing every day. I was eating a shit load every day, but I was definitely losing weight. I could see I was. For the first time in my life I actually felt like I looked like a runner. I had legs.
The 24th May was a day that was REALLY hard. I don’t know why. The demons were back and I fucking hated myself and my running and everything was wrong. I’m really glad I documented it because I would have otherwise looked back on this with proper rose tinted glasses. This is how I felt that day. And the reason I have a little smile on y little face is because that I knew, in the end, I would win this battle. I knew I would have days after that would be better.
One of the completely unexpected things that happened was the immense support I was receiving on social media. People seemed to be really enjoying the journey and were so supportive. Total strangers messaging me every day, willing me on. I didn’t want to let them down. I felt like I had to get this done for them as well as me. And then, on the 25th May, I decided to listen to the James Elson podcast about the Centurion One Community run the following week. And that’s when shit really got real.
James and Robbie Britton were talking about the 100 – how you could do it in a week or a day if it was safe. A day. If it was safe. Could I do that? Could I run 100 miles in 24 hours in the last 48 hours of the Accumulator? No fucking way. I couldn’t do that. Could I? It would mean an extra 40 miles on top of what I had to do that week. The rules of the Accumulator state that the run has to be continuous and take place on the day of the miles. So between 00.01 and 00.00. It can’t run over days. That meant that if I wanted to do the 100 miles in one go, I would need to time it properly so that it didn’t run over the days and stop my watch to report properly. I had also found out that the Indoor Relay was coming to an end on Saturday 30th May. Ping, ping, ping – ideal lightbulb!
What I would do, to raise a bit of extra cash for Indoor Relay and to celebrate the fact we were all allowed to run outside again, was run 100 miles from Friday 29th, finishing on Saturday 30th when Indoor Relay ended. Problem with that was I would then have to run another 31 miles on the Sunday. That wasn’t possible. After 100 milers I am generally fucked for 48 hours. Or was it possible? Could I do that? I had surprised myself to this point. Maybe I could do it? Maybe? The seed was planted. I was going to try and do a sub 24 hour 100 miler on the back of 425 odd miles and then run a 31 mile ultra the day after. What’s the worst that could happen? I’d learn something at the very least. Maybe I would learn not be such a dick and take on stuff that was impossible. Maybe I would complete it. I was sort of excited to find out.
Miles run week 3: 150.16
WEEK FOUR
And here we are. The final week. As we know, I’d had a shocker on day 24. I hated it. I hated running, I hated myself, I convinced myself I was shit at everything. That’s how my brain works sometimes. I’d made this decision to attempt to run 100 miles in 24 hours this week and I’d told people, so now I ‘had to do it’. I’d taken the final week off work. It was the sensible thing to do so I could concentrate on getting the Accumulator done. I’d decided that the Accumulator was my priority and that if something went wrong during the 100 miler I would stop and make sure I could do the miles on Sunday to finish it off. But this week was Centurion One week – over 4000 other people were out there getting the miles in. And I didn’t realise what and amazing thing that would be.
From the first day of that final week I felt like I wasn’t alone anymore. There were so many people stepping out of their comfort zone to do something amazing. The internet was buzzing with people out and about, some for the first time since lockdown. People were taking on challenges that they really didn’t know if they could finish – just like I was. Whole families were getting involved. We were together even though we were apart and that lifted me up more than I can ever say.
My whole week was focused around running. It was all I had to do – and I fucking loved that. It was like being on event. All the other shit in the world melted away – it was just about getting those miles done. The weather was (and had been) amazing. Running was joyful. I found a really good 25-mile route around the Glastonbury site – that would be my 100-mile loop. Four of those, with my house as the aid station. I managed to rope some friends into agreeing to pace me. The idea was to start at 4pm on Friday 29th to get my 29 miles in for the Accumulator. Stop my watch when I got to 23.50 so I had a clear result to show Cockbain, start it again at 00.01 on Saturday 30th and then I would have the miles for both days of the Accumulator and hopefully a sub 24-hour 100 miler in the bag. Julius was going to pace me from 25-50 miles, Ben from 50-75 miles and Kirsten from 75-100 miles. I wanted pacers for safety and wellbeing as well as to alleviate the boredom of doing the same loop 4 times. I am so grateful they all agreed to do it for me.
As the week went on, I felt stronger and stronger. I honestly believe the Accumulator was the best prep I could have done for the 100 miler. It was just training runs leading up to the 100. Most people taper – I was tapering the Bailey way.
Friday came, and I felt sick with nerves. My house was a huge aid stations full of my favourite food. I planned meals as I would on a normal day. I was going to sleep during the day but didn’t. I couldn’t.
I did the first 25 miles alone, setting off at 4pm and arriving home just before 9pm – bang on schedule. I ate a quick dinner and refilled bottles and snack pack as I would at any 100 miler. I picked up Julius and headtorches and high vis and headed out again. I hate running at night – headtorches tend to make me feel sick and so I was really glad of the company. We kept the pace really steady. I had planned in 5-6 hours for this loop, and after a night of seeing weird hallucinations and chasing and actual baby badger, Julius and I arrived back at the house at about 2.30am, where Ben was waiting outside for us ready for leg three.
I had breakfast (porridge and a banana) refilled and refuelled and set off with Ben. I knew the sun would be coming up soon, and that would help boost me mentally and physically. I felt fucking exhausted, but Ben kept me chatting and trotting along. I was well excited about getting a coffee from the little Co-Op in Evercreech when we reached it at 7am, that was my goal. But when we got there, they were having a delivery and were shut. That was a fucking low point……but on we trotted. Its only 6 miles from there to my house and there definitely was coffee at my house. When Shit goes wrong, change the plan and carry on.
I arrived home at about 9am where Kirsten was waiting for us for the final leg. I knew that even if I walked it, I could make a sub 24 hour 100 miles. I was completely fucked – drunk on exhaustion. But I had my second breakfast, repacked and we left. Kirsten was amazing. I thought I would have to walk the whole way, but she kept me on pace by chatting away, and I ran most of that leg. I was nailing my nutrition and this time, when we got to the Co-Op, it was open. I drank two capri suns and a Lucozade. It was the best ever. They were glorious. Finally, we arrived home. It was about 2.30pm. It had taken me 22 hours and 38 mins including stops and breaks. My moving time was just over 20 hours. That was INSANE. I was completely elated. I couldn’t believe that I had done it AND taken almost an hour and 15 mins off my current PB.
I got home to an empty house – Julius was out picking up Oscar from his mums. After Kirsten had left, I fell to bits. I always do after 100 milers. Everything suddenly hurt. There was nobody there to say congratulations or well done or give me a cuddle, and even though I’d felt like I wouldn’t need anyone, I totally did. No gantry, no people, no hugs. Just me alone in my house. I had a good cry and tried to go to sleep (I’d been awake for well over 30 hours) but I couldn’t. So I got in the bath. When I got out, my legs were agony. I started to worry about the next day. I had to run 31 miles to finish this off. Right now, I couldn’t really get up the stairs. What the fuck was I going to do? I certainly wasn’t going to DNF. I would just walk it. It would take forever, but I would walk it. Julius got home and told me that I was currently first lady on the Centurion leader board. He checks stuff like that. I don’t. I couldn’t fucking believe it. I just couldn’t. There had to be a mistake. But there wasn’t. It was like a proper dream come true to be at the top of that board. There was one lady above me – she had completed 100 miles in 15 hours in a fucking wheelchair. I couldn’t even fathom how much mental power she must have had to have done that. That was the joy of the Centurion One virtual race – she would never have been able to do that in real life – the courses just wouldn’t be suitable for her to have given that a go. What a woman. What an event to be able to allow literally everyone to get involved. I eventually went to bed (after broadcasting to Indoor relay from my bed like a professional) and slept like a baby, hoping that something magical would happen overnight and my legs would feel better or at least start to work.
When I woke up on the last morning of the Accumulator I was a different person to the one that had gone to sleep the night before. Something magical HAD happened. I felt sore, I felt tired, but my legs felt 80% better. I could walk properly and I was pretty sure I could run. I put my kit on and went downstairs and ate breakfast. I couldn’t believe the recovery. It was MENTAL. I put my bag on for the last time and headed out of the house. Julius came with me for the first 12 miles, and then I was on my own. He told me that someone else had done the 100 faster than me and I was now second. I honestly didn’t care. I was winning my own battle.
I was actually glad to be on my own at the end of this ridiculous journey. I needed to do it alone. I didn’t have a plan for a route, so I just headed to Cranmore Woods – I love it up there – and proceeded to run miles loops round and round and round until I only had the 4 miles left to get home. I just wanted to be somewhere I loved and felt safe. And then with just 4 miles left to go, I ran home. And it was over. I had just run 575 miles in a month and completed a 22h38m 100 mile run right at the end. I had achieved what I once thought was impossible. It was done. Julius has made me a tankard to celebrate. It was awesome. I’m still waiting for my medal from Cockbain…..
Brag alert – and I didn’t really want to include this summary, but it’s important that sometimes I DO give myself a bit of a pat on the back instead of just going ‘eell that’s done, what’s next?’. It’s important we all do that and take time to reflect on what we have achieved, be it our fist 5K, marathon or ultra. It’s OK to be nice to yourself and remind yourself how awesome you are.
I’d run half marathon distance or over 19 days in a row, marathon distance 6 days in a row and five ultras in 5 days. I’d done 57,000ft of elevation and around 1,265,000 steps. I’d eaten my body weight in Soreen, cried 4 times, laughed loads and learnt that I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for. And I wasn’t broken. I hadn’t even been near breaking point. Make no mistake it was hard at times. I had still lived my life normally, I’d had the odd glass of rose, and I’d worked the whole time (bar the week I took off at the end). I still can’t really understand how it happened. It feels like it was someone else who ran that month.
And what have I learnt? I’ve learnt that I am very good at following instructions. I had a job to do and I managed to do it and do. I feel more confident at the 100 mile distance. I know that if you know the course (do a recee before people) and you have the right support it is so much easier. I learnt that my body is an incredible thing. With the right care and attention, it can achieve insane things. And I have been reminded of the power of community. The Centurion One event was just amazing. For that last week I wasn’t alone and all through the Accumulator the message of encouragement and support I received online were, at times, overwhelming. People can be so kind and so supportive and at times like these it’s important to remember that. And for everyone asking what’s next…watch this space.
Finally, mega thanks to everyone that reached out and supported me, but special thanks to Ben, Kirsten and Julius for helping me keep my head and looking after me like pros. Your kindness will never be forgotten.
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