Sorry for the radio silence, friends. I have been working on something that I am finally ready to unleash to the world. And I am shitting myself about it.
Long story short(ish). I’ve been having a weird old time of it recently. I’ve been really heavily involved in some very, very cool stuff, especially with Rat Race and White Star. I’ve done some brilliant events (Man Vs Coast, Man Vs Lakes, Giants Head Marathon all AMAZING and I accidently won Cider Frolic last weekend – 60 lapped miles - hurrah!) but one thing has become apparent. This just can’t go on.
Some LOLS from the last few weeks.
I’m working part time for a brilliant social enterprise to keep the wolfette from the door, and I have a couple of freelance clients, but I am spending more and more time planning recees, putting together teams for running projects and answering emails and social media messages from people that want to know about running stuff. One of my clients is Rat Race – I’m at the end of the “Ask Allie” email address and talk to people about some very specific stuff – you know the drill; Will I die in the jungle? How do you get a machete through customs? etc etc. It’s quite good fun (FYI answers are ‘no’ and ‘with difficulty’) but that is only a fraction of it.
Every week I get more and more people reaching out to me via the facebook/IG page, on my personal email or via the website. I spend hours each week replying to them or even calling them to go through stuff. This stuff ranges from mental coping strategies on long races to complete lack of confidence to the best bag to run a trail marathon with. So, the question is if I am spending hours on this every week and getting results, why the fuck don’t I do it for a living? It’s what I’m good at and I love it. The reason is because I haven’t had the balls to try. Until now.
Let’s quickly got through the reasoning for this, mainly because I think it will ring some bells for people. As some of you know, I am not the best when it comes to my own view of myself. I say things to myself that I would NEVER say to anyone else. As much as I am way better than I have been in previous years, I hate on myself on a regular basis. From first thing in the morning (‘why are you always so fucking tired? Urgh you look like shit’)to last thing at night (‘what have you achieved today? Pretty much nothing - standard’). I am just the best at smashing myself repeatedly over the head with a metaphorical hammer. I don’t know why I do it. Well I do, but it’s a really long story. Maybe one for later. As I said I would NEVER do this to anyone else. In fact, I do completely the opposite.
The last six months have seen a monumental shift in my life. Moving to the countryside from the hideous hellhole that is London sounds like the dream, but it’s not when you have very few friends and no concrete job. It’s scary and weird. Think Hot Fuzz meets League of Gentlemen with a bit of Broadchurch thrown in. It is so, so different to the life I had before. It’s better in a million ways, but overwhelming in a few hundred as well.
The term failure has made an appearance more than once in our household over the last six months. And it’s always me saying it to myself. Today, I know that I am not a failure. Tomorrow may be different. Failing is just another word for learning. Failure on the other hand is another word for, well, failure.
I read a book recently that talks about the conscious mind vs the subconscious mind. The concious mind is our ego. It’s the bit that protects us from harm, which is great and awful at the same time. Not only does it believe it can predict our future but it also loves dragging up the past – mainly to illustrate how our future will be. It’s the thing that stops us in our tracks and tells us that things won’t work, people hate us and everything is falling to bits. The thing is (spoiler) the only future we have is right in the moment. The ego cannot predict what is going to happen in the next hour, day or year, yet it does this a thousand times a minute on a daily basis. It stops us from achieving things. And it stops us from trying things. It stops us from taking risks that might well pay off.
This affects every single part of our lives, from launching a new business or project to signing up for a race that we really want to do. I see the concious mind in every email I get. And I also see the doubt created by ego. I’m slowly coming round to this idea and I want to help other people to come round to it to.
I’ve always wanted to find the time to step up and genuinely help people to do some of the stuff that I have done. I never really had a crew to help me in the early days and until now, I’ve just not found the vehicle. But by gum I may have finally got it. It’s called Ultra Awesome and you can read all about it here.
Today is the day I am launching this. I’m going to do it softly, gauge interest and see who thinks it’s a good idea. I’m worried about it failing. I’m worried about it going all wrong. I’m worried about asking people to pay for it, despite knowing I have unique experience and I am good at talking positively to people. I would love for you lot, who read these blogs, to take a look for me. All feedback good and bad more than welcome. Drop me a line here.
It comes down to this. I am asking you to support me to support you. I’m asking you to have the belief in me that I often don’t have in myself. I want to find the time to be able to talk to people, time to be able to give them support, advice and maybe a bit of inspiration. Time to tell them my stories and make my experience theirs. Time to hold their hands as they step into adventure and experience that will change their lives for the better.
I don’t know if it will work. And I don’t know how far we can go. But in the words of David Bowie, I promise it won’t be boring.
Anyway thanks as always for reading. Let’s try and build this thing together.
AB x
If you would like to find out more about Ultra Awesome click here.
For the Patreon page click here.
If you just want to buy me a virtual cup of coffee, click here.