I haven’t written anything of any note since the book. I have really had nothing to say that couldn’t be said within the character limit of Instagram. But now I do have something to say. A lot. Probably too much for this blog. Writing is hard. How did I manage a whole fucking book?

A couple of weeks ago I attended the National Running Show (NRS) for the sixth and probably final time. I have been part of the show since its inception. I spent the first year working on the Bad Boy Running (BBR) stand, giving out shots of beer, getting slowly hammered and doing a terrifyingly hungover talk on the Inspiration Stage. Over the next few years I was instrumental in the conception, curation and execution of the Ultra Zone. I remember arguing with Mike Seamen (CEO at Racoon Events who organise NRS) about whether ultrarunning was big enough to support its own stage. Turns out it was. Its own stage AND all the other stages. We almost ended up being shut down by Health and Safety when Laz Lake, John Kelly and Camille Heron turned up for a chat.

“I’m not sure there’s enough demand for a whole zone dedicated to ultra” Mike Seamen, 2019. The Ultra Zone at the NRS, Jan 2020. *Photo: James Appleton*

The Ultra Zone grew bigger – now the second largest stage at the show – and I got sober. I stepped away from hosting, away from BBR and spent 2024 on my own stand doing little workshops and selling my book. The booze anxiety had been replaced by a desperate need to help people – to make up for what I had done in some way. But something felt different. I hated being at NRS. What was once exciting and almost showbizzy now felt vacuous and show-offy. I hated the mass consumerism and the buy, buy, buy mentality that seeped out of every stand. And what I hated more, was the fact I was part of it.

At the centre of that 2024 show was a little mishmash of stands curated by The Green Runners (TGR). I had been a member for a couple of years – ultimately a virtue signalling move designed mainly to impress Damian Hall – but becoming a member had made me change some of my behaviours, mainly out of guilt. It had made me more aware of my own consumer journey, what I was eating, how often I got on an aeroplane. I was “much more” vegetarian than before, I had started fixing my old kit and shoes (I say that, I was getting Julius to fix them for me) and I was lending my kit to anyone who would use it. I wasn’t changing the world, but I was noticing, listening and learning. TGR’s tiny area of the show was a haven away from the mentalism and consumer focus of the rest of it. At the end of the weekend, I spoke to Mike about how I felt and basically asked him to give me the Ultra Zone and let TGR help me curate it. He said no, obviously. But that wasn’t the end of it.

Over the next 12 months, I worked with TGR to create The Village Green, an area where we could showcase not only the work TGR and their partners do, but also interview our friends and supporters in a wonderfully social environment, provide advice and educate people on how to look after and repair their kit and just show people what TGR was all about. We wanted to take on as many new members as possible and show them that we’re not here to tell them off. I was (and am) hell-bent on the idea of calling people in as opposed to calling them out. My experience of being a member of TGR hadn’t been about what I wasn’t doing, it had been about what I WAS doing or what I COULD do. My small efforts were celebrated, not sniffed at. I wasn’t ridiculed for not being a vegan or living in a treehouse. The 4x4 only gets mentioned as a last resort. I felt like I belonged with these people, like I shared more than just running with them. I felt like I’d found people who I shared more than one goal with – kind, thoughtful creatures who honestly just want the best for people and planet. That’s a rare and magical thing.

The Village Green, The NRS 2025. Can you see a theme here? The theme is VERY FUCKING POPULAR. *Photo: Dan Beaumont*

When I got sober, I had to do a lot of work on myself. One of the many, many things I had to do was work out what I was for. I used my values (kindness, honesty and integrity) as a guideline for this, and I still use them every single day. But as time has gone on, and especially with regards to my experience at the running show last weekend, it has slowly been dawning on me that I am not living in line with my values as well as I might be, and that makes me feel increasingly uncomfortable. It is for that reason that I have decided to part ways with INOV8.

I’m not sure if I was a sponsored athlete or just an ambassador for INOV8 – I certainly never got paid. But what I did get was a load of new kit dropped on my doorstep every season for me to wear, feed back on, talk about on Instagram and a discount code. I imagine this was to monitor how much people listened to me and bought off the back of my nonsense. I was basically a living advert. And I knew this. And I was very, very happy about it. Because I fucking LOVED stuff. And I loved the fact that a well respected brand wanted me in their kit. I have an ego as well.

I was The Ultimate Consumer. I had been for years. Before I was a runner, I was the person who believed you could buy happiness in shoes, bags and coats. When I became a runner, I was the person who thought if you had the newest running bag, belt or skort it would make you a better runner, people would respect you more and you would belong. I was (am) the person who believed candles and blankets can solve the world’s problems (because that bit is true).

Consumerism is based on making you feel shit until you buy something. It’s based on the idea individuals who consume goods and services in large quantities will be better off. It plays on our insecurities and bad mental health and it’s the way the world goes round. Buying certain things makes us into a certain person. The more expensive, the better. This is hammered into us from a very young age and it never goes away. When you think about it, it’s fucking bonkers – especially in a sport like running. Because running is supposed to be good for your mental health AND good for the environment. But when you bring consumerism into the mix, it can be terrible for both.

Running brands want you to buy their products. And they make loads of them. Loads and loads and loads. Every season a new shoe, a new collection of tops, shorts and coats. Then every month a different colour way. Then that shoe comes out again for autumn, this time with V2 or a word like brutal, speed or sex magnet at the end of its name, apparently a bit grippier/wider/more betterer. Every season there is something new for you to buy, and you are told you NEED to buy it. But the thing is, you don’t need to buy it.

Here I am, making you buy shit. *Photo: Dave McFarlane*

You don’t need to do anything. Your shoes should be lasting you for hundreds if not thousands of miles. Your kit, even if it’s been recycled from plastic fucking bottles should last you for decades. That shit doesn’t degrade in landfill, so it’s not going to degrade in your sports bag. We are all being played by every sports company in the world into thinking buying something new will make us happier, more fulfilled, a better runner. It won’t. I have fuck loads of kit and I am still relatively miserable and a bang average runner.

We are also being told, “It’s OK because it’s recycled/sustainable”. It’s not OK, because most of it is at the end of its recycle cycle. Once you’re done with that top, it can no longer be turned into anything else. It will most probably be around forever, once you’ve put it in the Salvation Army bin because you like the look of the same top in the spring/summer colourway. If you want the stats on how much charity shop stuff actually goes into landfill, read Damian’s book. It’s pretty fucking gross. Oh and shoes? You can’t recycle them. 22 billion pairs go into landfill every fucking year. Every shoe that we have ever created is still on the planet in some way shape or form. Where the fuck are they all? Probably in the water you’re drinking. Enjoy!

Darren Evans repairs yet another pair of shoes at the NRS 2025. Darren worked tirelessly for well over 40 hours fixing shoes for free to avoid them going into landfill. You can order your own kit to fix your own shoes from Pair Ups here.
*Photo: Allie Bailey*

And here I am. Sitting here. Typing away. Feeling very shit about it all. I’m a big part of the problem, because I’m getting this new kit for free and I’m telling you it’s great and you should buy it. And sometimes it is great. And sometimes it’s not. And I just can’t do it anymore. The headline is that from now on, I’m making a pledge to only wear what I already have and what I can get second hand. I’ll make an exception for underwear (and I’m not selling mine just FYI). But that’s the only exception.

I did try to engage INOV8 a number of times in the days before I decided to go, but they have yet to fully respond to my concerns about their lack of clarity when it comes to sustainability and the durability of some of their products I was being asked to endorse. When, months ago, I asked who was currently in charge of sustainability, I was told it was “everyone’s job”. Which is funny, because I’m sure sales isn’t “everyone’s job” and marketing isn’t “everyone’s job” and taking photos of people running through the woods in new shoes isn’t “everyone’s job”. They have departments for things like marketing and sales and taking photos of people running through the woods. They have departments, the important things.

If I’m honest – and I will be – I felt like I was being fobbed off, that I was seen as a bit of a problem when it came to asking about this stuff. I almost felt like I should feel lucky to be there. I’m not lucky. I sold a lot of kit. I am influential and people listen to me. I am a great podcaster and presenter. I’m not going to pretend that’s not the case. I may be fortunate, but none of this is luck. I don’t want to use my powers in the wrong places and for some time I have felt like I am. Someone I know in a similar situation was been told “not to be a problem because it’s a small industry and people talk”. And they were right. It is a small industry. And people do talk. It’s just a shame they’re not talking to me when I’m asking why their shoes are falling apart after 200 miles and what they’re going to do about it. I’d rather be A problem than be THE problem.

While I’m very grateful to INOV8 for their support, I’m not going to pretend I’m leaving with anything but a bad taste in my mouth. That brand supported me through some really hard times, have sponsored my podcasts, taken me on shoots and have provided me with some really great kit that has got me through some really hard races. There are some wonderful people that I have worked with there. But in the last few months it’s felt different. There were other issues I raised, one of them being the frankly pathetic coverage of the fact they had four incredible female athletes running this year’s Winter Spine Races (and no male athletes) and they chose to lead their coverage with a picture of the man who won it last year. But that’s another blog, right guys??? In lots of ways I’m disappointed. Really fucking disappointed. But the choice is mine, and has been made because ultimately I don’t want to encourage people to buy new kit anymore. Not just their new kit, ANY new kit.

Proper good day shooting for INOV8 on location with Sarah, Mingma, Billy, Nic and Andy.
*Photo: Selfie innit*

I think one of the reasons people don’t take action when it comes to this stuff is because they don’t think their small changes make a difference. There’s a choice paralysis that stops us doing anything at all. We think we need to do everything. When actually, we just need to be a B+ at one or two things. How can I be a good Green Runner when I drive a petrol car? How can I be a good Green Runner when I fly to Lanzarote to recover from a long race? How can I be a good Green Runner when I love Bonne Maman puddings? Making decisions like these is hard, because we are just tiny tadpoles in a very big pond. We can’t see that what we do will make any difference. And we might be frightened of being called out. None of us want to be told we are a hypocrite when ultimately, it’s impossible to not be one if you give a fuck about the planet in 2025.

My favourite internet coach Brad Stulburg has some fucking great advice on this, and as he is my favourite person to quote, I will share it here. You can get all this advice and more on his Instagram page @bradstulberg.

“Don’t worry about being the best. Focus on being the best at getting better. The results will take care of themselves.

Don’t stress if you aren’t “balanced”. It’s impossible to do all the things - part of being a mature adult is making trade offs.

You are going to fall off the path. When this happens, do what you can to learn from it and get back on. Do this over and over again. This is the key to a good life.

What other people think of you does not matter nearly as much as what you think of yourself.”

And this below, this is THE one:

If you are reading this and want to do something to help the planet, if you want to join TGR but feel like a fraud or don’t know where to start, PICK YOUR THING. Make one pledge. That’s all you need. It might be going vegan for a week or a month, it might be one year no gear, it might be being the king of lift shares to races, it might be only doing UK-based races this year, it might be dumping your sponsor. Just pick ONE THING.

I have picked my thing: it’s kit. I will focus my green efforts totally on kit; on not buying new kit, on repairing old kit and on helping others do the same by lending my kit to whoever needs it – I have fucking loads of the stuff – just ask! I will surround myself with people who help me to do this, namely the RE-ACTION Collective who will be supporting me going forward as my “sponsors”.

No money is changing hands. In fact it's more me sponsoring them, but I am thrilled to be able to access their network of incredible organisations who are challenging the status quo with community-based circular solutions for the outdoor industry. Basically, they fix shit, they sell it second-hand, they recycle, upcycle, create from waste and they lend out everything from tents to helmets. They’re amazing and you should get involved with what they do, too.

At the heart of RE-ACTION sit Preloved Sports who will be key to me getting hold of any bits of kit I can’t fix second-hand. I’m popping over to see them in a few weeks to get my kit sublimated with some new logos and I’ll do some Instagram stories from there. If you are looking for new kit, then go to them first, because they have EVERYTHING! It’s actually really good fun hunting out the jacket you want from Preloved or Vinted or wherever you get your second-hand stuff. They also take donations of decent kit, but they’re not a bin, so be respectful. And if you can reuse it or fix it, do that!

New logo sublimiated onto an already owned T-shirt near you soon!

I am in no way perfect – none of us can be. But I want to be better, so I have chosen my “thing” and I hope it helps you to choose yours. I will always try and be as transparent and honest as possible, so if you have any questions, do ask. If you think there are things I can do better, then say. If you wnat to call me a hypocrite, do it - feeding time for the trolls is between 3 and 5pm Mon- Thurs. I’m really excited to crack on with this journey – please follow along and be part of it, too. I am @ab_runs in case you didn’t get that bit.

I’ll leave you with one more from Brad (he’s good):

”We all have holes we are trying to fill. No achievement, income, fancy watch or substance will fill any hole in any meaningful way (if you think otherwise, life will prove you wrong.) What fills the hole is doing good work and loving good people” Brad Stulburg

As I started to come out of the fog of that siesmic mental health crisis back in 2021, I thought long and hard about my purpose. And that is to be an example of what is possible And that is what I plan to do.

Make your pledge and join The Green Runners.